maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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