I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Randomize
