If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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