I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I have post one night stand depression
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