Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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