Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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