P.S. I can't hear my feet
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
