No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
