Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
