In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
