What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
