Just cropdusted the office
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
