I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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