What a fucking waste of an outfit
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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