a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
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