I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
