I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
