??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
