Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
