Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
