wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
