Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
