Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
