i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
