a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
