What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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