the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
this just has baby written all over it
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
