I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Randomize
