i think my tv is drunk
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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