Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
