The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
