How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
