So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
