OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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