You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
