My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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