I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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