omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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