she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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