So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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