My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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