Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
