my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
