So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
