as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
