He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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