Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
