I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
