you guys were way drunker than both of me
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
