there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Randomize
