I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
