You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
