Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
