I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
