I'm gonna have a badass scar
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
